Waste not, want not

Is a horrible phrase especially considering that it doesn't exactly make sense. I suppose it comes from a different time period where it would have made more sense.

That's not why I'm here though. I guess I'm back to muse and pass the time while I contemplate the world around me.

"Waste not."
I guess it rings in a different tune for me. I hear it, and immediately think of wasted opportunity. Wasted potential. Wasted space. Wasted time. There are so many instances where our most important and most irreplaceable assets are taken from us. Our valuable resources just taken a way from us in an instant.

I think the one that hurts me the most is wasted opportunity. I'm always too involved in the tinier less significant aspects of every day life that I sometimes miss the obvious chances to better myself or my position. Maybe it's because I've just grown accustomed to getting the hand-me-downs from those who've gone before me. Maybe it's that I like the challenge.

That was a joke. I hate having to read into situations and more often than not I get frustrated that people don't just say what's on their mind.

In a way I guess this is me venting what's on my mind at the moment.

To really get to the "meat and potates" as they say, I've been thinking about someone a lot lately. No names, that would be stupid. I guess in a way there isn't a name as well. I've been just as comfortable with the thought of having a significant other that I sometimes can't even tell if I'm really still hurting to find someone like I was before. There's an eerie calm that I've noticed about my entire being. Granted I'm not always calm but it settles over me in waves. Maybe I'm finally starting to understand who I am and what I'm feeling.  It's hard to say or describe and even now I can feel a meditative like trance setting in. I suppose I'll keep with my self examination as that's what I feel has been the catalyst for my "awakening" of sorts.

Being an introvert as well as somewhat depressed has allowed me to see the world from a unique perspective. My parents always spoke of how I would be wiser as I got older; that as my knowledge and experience increased that I would understand more.

That's bullshit.

There's so much of this life that I'll never understand. What they should have told me was that as I got older, the smaller unimportant pebbles get washed away much easier and suddenly you can see the ocean for what it is. Not all that glimmers is a shiny nickel and all that jazz.

But what's really difficult is thinking about tomorrow. Sure you make plans, but for what? Bad weather to cancel them? Friends to bail on you? Maybe everything went according to plan but for some reason it just didn't work out. We can only account for so much. We can only plan so far ahead.

Our hearts can only take so much.