Homecoming.

I've finally decided that my album is done. If nothing else I do with my life, this album is something that I can say I have really put a lot of effort and time into. I haven't done it for recognition or some hair-brained scheme to get popular to make a ton of money. It's simply something that I want to do. I have several plans for more works in the future, but as a medium, sound itself is just something that's so hard to master, and as an artist, I find myself wanting to touch and feel as many artistic mediums as possible.

I suppose this delves into the realm of my original intentions of taking band so long ago. I wanted to get to know and understand sound and how it worked. I wanted to create. It's one thing to make a still image that appears living. But to make something that has a rhythm and flow to it, just as the walk of life, to me, is what art is. Yet mastering it is nigh impossible. I know I haven't done so. I know I never will. This is something that I can continue and work on and strive with to keep me and myself collected.

The more I think about what we consider genius, the more I wonder what it really is. What is the real difference between the person we consider a "genius" and the average person on the street? Is there really a core function of their brain that doesn't function like what we consider to be the norm? It's amazing to me, but I've come up with many of my own theories as well as what I consider to be viable options for answers to other things in the human Psyche.

If you've secretly been with me this entire time then you may understand that I'm always asking questions and looking for answers. I'm always wondering where the river will flow, where the next trip wire is, so to speak. In honest terms it's sometimes hard to concentrate on things more than I let off. I would like to hide certain, what I consider flaws about my person, but hey, we all have problems. I won't post them here, that's just crazy talk....

But every time I listen to a track I've produced I hear myself in it. Almost like an echo of the emotion I had while making it. It's as if my past self is speaking to me to push me forward.

I hate to say it, but I haven't had as many close friends as I'd like. Having said that, I've always clung to art, and secretly, music more so than just your typical run of the mill painting ( I use that term loosely of course!)
But when I could finally make my own tracks...I latched on to spilling my emotions there. Letting myself concentrate on only the moment what I was feeling. Sprawling my feelings, all of my desires, all of my needs displayed and arranged in a pattern of sounds and rhythmic beats. All of that emotion with the driving force of drums to really help and stimulate the mind. Afterall, isn't that art? That was the point.

At some point, I was scared that I had lost it. Like I would never be able to finish the sentences that I had written, so to speak. I had so much to say, so much emotion to release, yet the avenue that I was on was holding me back.

In a sense this is the story of my philosophical journey through time and space to understand why I love music so much. I often wonder many things. But the most that I wonder about is what am I here for. I consider that purpose to be making music.

There is no other way that I can fully release my inner being. I don't really understand how I really feel it, but it's as if another man is living inside of this outer man. That man inside longs for release, yet he knows that if he comes he is unwelcome. Not to be recognized, or respected, but merely noticed; that is his only real dream.

I suppose it would sound cooler if I put it in quotes and said it was from some guy that made something someone found impressive. And that's how I feel about a lot of my writing. Call me conceited. I have all of the confidence, but why flaunt it?

Call me week willed then. It honestly doesn't phase me. There in lies the problem. A lot of what happens around me simply doesn't phase me. I have to keep up with things a lot more than I anticipated. I never realized when I was younger how detached I was. In a sense I wonder if I would have been diagnosed with any sort of dissociatiative disorders in the past had I not  had certain outlets, music being the one that I look at the most.

I would say physical art comes second, and writing third, but I'm striving to close down those gaps. Always perfecting, always pushing forward. I feel that's the whole point to why we're all here. The more I read the more I understand. The more I watch, the more I witness, the more I interact, the more I understand.

Even the release of this album I feel was timed perfectly to coincide with this flow of consciousness. I feel that that is the reason I wanted to release it earlier than the fifteenth but couldn't really find a reason to. Something in my very being knew that this day would suite better.

And back to music. I glance at the title of this post, and I remember that I had a serious debate about what I would call this album, and specifically the track Liberation. For that one, I simply couldn't find a name that I liked, one that was fitting for how I was feeling. Finally I settled on what I knew was the answer. One word that by itself was enough to convey all the emotion needed.

Awakening. Breathing. Meditating. Fixating. Understanding. Grasping. What makes us live? What makes us move? What pushes us towards that uncertain future?

There are tons of answers, but mine is simply: Hope. We watch the horizon with hopes that the sun will rise again. We lay down in bed at night in hopes of awakening the next morning. We get in our cars and start the engine in hopes that we'll make it to work on time. There's so much that we hope for.

Some things more than others.

I'm reminded now of my hopes, and my dreams. I do have many, just as any other red blooded human. Useless metaphors and similes. I would put them in as filler but I fear I've already drawn this on long enough. You see, this clipping, this article is self-aware. I'm fully aware that I'm rambling and wasting roughly 30 minutes of my life listening to my album to type this up. That's what I told myself I would do and that's what I'm doing.

The purpose?
Because.

There's that man inside that longs for release, and sometimes he needs to live a little. He deserves his chance in the light sometimes. I would hope that I could release him more often. I prefer being the carefree, ever questioning, mind rampantly wandering yet oddly entertaining mind that I am sometimes.

Call me a lonely adult, because that's what I am. But that doesn't mean I have to live my life as a sad individual. There are things that I have that I can live for and want to do. As long as I strive to those goals I have not only purpose, but added benefit of seeing the stones I've stepped on through my journey.

I have a host of witness of my journey and the winding path I took on my way through life.

~Noir

Jizue.

Is what I would call an unremarkable new-age jazz band from somewhere in japan. That being said I cant get enough of them to stop listening to the two albums I have of theirs. Both of them are completely amazing pieces of work.
In particular I want to address how ridiculous the ensemble is from a musical standpoint as it blows my mind everytime I think about it.  There are 4 members that I can hear. A piano, a bass guitar, a drummer and one guitar. But the guitar is used mostly for nearly psychedelic noise and ambient fretwork that you'd swear there's a member working another electric keyboard somewhere in the mix. That is, until the guitarist solos. Out of nowhere these crisp tones float across and you're wisked off to a fantastic land full of musical elegance, both in outlandish reverance of it and then broken and beaten tragic side as well.
And that's only looking at the guitar...I'm not even going to talk about the piano or anything in this post. But if I can later embed a video of their's I will.

Edit* No embedded video but here's a great track from them:
http://youtu.be/LA0B19GSqng

But anywho, a quick update on my album...I'm pretty much done with all of the final mixing. I'm just getting picky now. I had originally wanted to wait until December 15th to release it
but right now I might just do it sooner. Like next week sooner. I just need to start working on the extras now. Video work, as well as a music video and album art. Most of that stuff is already done as well I just need to get on it.
Quick update, I know. But that's what happens. More to come so keep watching the skies.
~Noir