Is a horrible phrase especially considering that it doesn't exactly make sense. I suppose it comes from a different time period where it would have made more sense.
That's not why I'm here though. I guess I'm back to muse and pass the time while I contemplate the world around me.
"Waste not."
I guess it rings in a different tune for me. I hear it, and immediately think of wasted opportunity. Wasted potential. Wasted space. Wasted time. There are so many instances where our most important and most irreplaceable assets are taken from us. Our valuable resources just taken a way from us in an instant.
I think the one that hurts me the most is wasted opportunity. I'm always too involved in the tinier less significant aspects of every day life that I sometimes miss the obvious chances to better myself or my position. Maybe it's because I've just grown accustomed to getting the hand-me-downs from those who've gone before me. Maybe it's that I like the challenge.
That was a joke. I hate having to read into situations and more often than not I get frustrated that people don't just say what's on their mind.
In a way I guess this is me venting what's on my mind at the moment.
To really get to the "meat and potates" as they say, I've been thinking about someone a lot lately. No names, that would be stupid. I guess in a way there isn't a name as well. I've been just as comfortable with the thought of having a significant other that I sometimes can't even tell if I'm really still hurting to find someone like I was before. There's an eerie calm that I've noticed about my entire being. Granted I'm not always calm but it settles over me in waves. Maybe I'm finally starting to understand who I am and what I'm feeling. It's hard to say or describe and even now I can feel a meditative like trance setting in. I suppose I'll keep with my self examination as that's what I feel has been the catalyst for my "awakening" of sorts.
Being an introvert as well as somewhat depressed has allowed me to see the world from a unique perspective. My parents always spoke of how I would be wiser as I got older; that as my knowledge and experience increased that I would understand more.
That's bullshit.
There's so much of this life that I'll never understand. What they should have told me was that as I got older, the smaller unimportant pebbles get washed away much easier and suddenly you can see the ocean for what it is. Not all that glimmers is a shiny nickel and all that jazz.
But what's really difficult is thinking about tomorrow. Sure you make plans, but for what? Bad weather to cancel them? Friends to bail on you? Maybe everything went according to plan but for some reason it just didn't work out. We can only account for so much. We can only plan so far ahead.
Our hearts can only take so much.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Let's Call That a Hiatus...
I'm extremely lazy and I won't deny it.
There, I said it. But in all seriousness a lot has happened since my last update. A lot musically and just as much personally. I won't act like I'm a new person, but I will say I have a tad bit more knowledge.
I've released quite a few works since Homecoming, and to be frank, they're mixed a little better as I've improved a bit. Re reading my previous post sort of put me in a humble state I guess as I know that i always have room for improvement but when I wrote that apparently I was cocky sob.
Whatever.
Oh, btw, things still don't hit as hard as they should but instead of just ignoring the underlying lesson I try to apply it and move on. There's a lot that's happened in my life that I'm attempting to move on from. Most of it is me being a stubborn old coot and I know it. I can't wait til I'm old enough to be a stubborn old coot so I can read this and laugh at myself, again.
But that's the circle I live. I've just sort of accepted that I'm an odd quirky dude and people may find that off putting at first. In a sense you could say that I've become a hermit, but that's getting a little too personal.
In reality, I think what's been happening is a growing. My world has been expanding as of late and there's "a storm brewing" if I want to be as cliche as possible. Truth be told, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing but I'm interested in the direction that I'm headed. Is that all I need? Based on what I've seen from the examples around me, pretty much. Now I'm not saying I'll be flying by the seat of my pants forever, but when life gives you lemons you zest the ever living shit out of those fuckers and use them in some fancy recipe that everybody will have to google just to figure out what it is.
Too much? Deal with it. I've become bitter and even more cynical. I say even more because I've always been aware how cynical I've been even as a child. In a way I guess this blog has become my way of writing out how I feel in a semi-personal, semi-anonymous fashion.
To be blunt I have issues talking to people and in a sickening, morbid way, no one is really going to read the musings of some back water underground musician (I can't even finish this sentence without a huge laugh at still saying I'm underground. I've never played a live show.)
The moral of the story? I'm going to be writing more to figure myself out. I think a lot and have some pretty intense meditation sessions, but for the most part I don't understand who I am or what my own opinions are on some very important issues. As a child I spent a lot of time watching those around me and rarely stopped to examine myself. It wasn't until I was in college that I even realized how destructive my personality was towards my relationships. And then even after that I realized once again how I could use some improvement even just among friends.
It really hurt to see myself in this light that I have never wanted to accept but at the same time it opened my eyes to a new world of opportunity that was equally as frightening.
But that's not the end. I'm alive and have a goal to strive for. I won't say here what it is, but I imagine it's not hard to gather. I'll keep going until the end. I've got to at least make it to the finish line, I hear there's cookies.
~Noir
There, I said it. But in all seriousness a lot has happened since my last update. A lot musically and just as much personally. I won't act like I'm a new person, but I will say I have a tad bit more knowledge.
I've released quite a few works since Homecoming, and to be frank, they're mixed a little better as I've improved a bit. Re reading my previous post sort of put me in a humble state I guess as I know that i always have room for improvement but when I wrote that apparently I was cocky sob.
Whatever.
Oh, btw, things still don't hit as hard as they should but instead of just ignoring the underlying lesson I try to apply it and move on. There's a lot that's happened in my life that I'm attempting to move on from. Most of it is me being a stubborn old coot and I know it. I can't wait til I'm old enough to be a stubborn old coot so I can read this and laugh at myself, again.
But that's the circle I live. I've just sort of accepted that I'm an odd quirky dude and people may find that off putting at first. In a sense you could say that I've become a hermit, but that's getting a little too personal.
In reality, I think what's been happening is a growing. My world has been expanding as of late and there's "a storm brewing" if I want to be as cliche as possible. Truth be told, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing but I'm interested in the direction that I'm headed. Is that all I need? Based on what I've seen from the examples around me, pretty much. Now I'm not saying I'll be flying by the seat of my pants forever, but when life gives you lemons you zest the ever living shit out of those fuckers and use them in some fancy recipe that everybody will have to google just to figure out what it is.
Too much? Deal with it. I've become bitter and even more cynical. I say even more because I've always been aware how cynical I've been even as a child. In a way I guess this blog has become my way of writing out how I feel in a semi-personal, semi-anonymous fashion.
To be blunt I have issues talking to people and in a sickening, morbid way, no one is really going to read the musings of some back water underground musician (I can't even finish this sentence without a huge laugh at still saying I'm underground. I've never played a live show.)
The moral of the story? I'm going to be writing more to figure myself out. I think a lot and have some pretty intense meditation sessions, but for the most part I don't understand who I am or what my own opinions are on some very important issues. As a child I spent a lot of time watching those around me and rarely stopped to examine myself. It wasn't until I was in college that I even realized how destructive my personality was towards my relationships. And then even after that I realized once again how I could use some improvement even just among friends.
It really hurt to see myself in this light that I have never wanted to accept but at the same time it opened my eyes to a new world of opportunity that was equally as frightening.
But that's not the end. I'm alive and have a goal to strive for. I won't say here what it is, but I imagine it's not hard to gather. I'll keep going until the end. I've got to at least make it to the finish line, I hear there's cookies.
~Noir
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